no. 31: edumacation

dear little leah, 

what a month! i'm glad i was able to record some of my thoughts about our day-to-day with rett syndrome. it's been therapuetic for me and i hope it's been educational for others. because you've sure given me an education. 

i've learned so much about how to treat and not treat other human beings. i hope others know they can talk to you, not just about you, to me. i hope others know how bright and able you are, rather than just seeing you for your disabilities. i hope others will learn, just as i'm trying to learn, that simply because someone is different, doesn't mean they're less. 

i hope, by my own example, i can help others to learn to be a bit more compassionate, a bit more accepting  and a bit more understanding of others who have needs and abilities that differ from their own. to not stare or gawk or try to get away. i'm more than happy to share you with the world little leah. {most days} i love to talk about you and show others what an amazing little girl you are.

i hope people know that, no matter what, i would never ever ever choose to not have you in my life. struggles and all, you are a daughter of god and you deserve to be loved and to have opportunities to love.

i've learned to let others be the source on whatever they're dealing with - to hold my tongue, suppress my advice and let them be. to not judge based on what i see, because i really don't know. i've learned that no matter if people appear to be "normal" or not, we're all struggling with something. i've learned to better shrug off the comments about how perfect i am to be dealing with this "trial" in my life. trial or not, nobody's perfect. lots of people fail. lots of days i fail. but i'm trying my best - just as anyone else placed in this situation would do.

i've learned to be more open with my emotions. this has the potential to get me in trouble as sometimes my emotions include negative thoughts and things i wish people knew or didn't do. but i've learned that most people don't mean harm. most people are just trying to help and most likely just don't know how to - just like me one year ago. 

you've taught me a lot, little leah. hopefully i've taught you some things too. and i know we both have more to learn. thanks for the education. 

love you. 

love, 

mommy