Thursday, October 21, 2010

no. 21: piano (wo)man

dear little leah, 

i have to be honest. one of the hardest things for me to accept about this whole rett syndrome business was the idea that you would never play the piano. piano was and is a huge part of my life. my teacher told me i was a natural and i could often fake my way through my lesson even if i didn't practice as much as she thought i did. i took lessons until i was 14 and then convinced my mom to let me quit. she did so, hesitantly, and now i really wish i would have continued. even though the formal lessons ended, i continued to play daily. classical, jazz, ragtime {my fav}, religious, contemporary, you name it. it was a release for me. a way for me to unwind or destress or rid myself of frustrations. 

i didn't have plans to force you into doing much during your first 18 years, but piano lessons and daily practice were definitely on the radar. 
lucky me because you loved the piano from day one! you were always so interested in playing it and whenever you got near, you'd whine until we lifted you up to chime out your concertos and plunk your minuets. you did solos as well as duets with daddy and me and you always had a spot at the very end of my piano recitals to provide the post-program entertainment. one time i forgot to put you on there and my students swiftly reminded me that it was your turn. 

sometimes i still get so sad when i see you walk by the piano with somewhat of a longing in your eyes. every once in awhile, you'll stand there long enough and concentrate hard enough to whip those hands up and give the keys a few good pounds. and it is music to my ears. i looooooooove when you play. 

to be honest, i don't know if you ever will learn to play the piano. i really, truly don't. i'd love to say that i know they'll find a cure and someday you'll get your chance to let those fingers fly.but for now, i'll cherish your few plunks and pounds as well as the smiles and arm licks you so freely offer as you hear me play. 


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