no. 2: a reader

dear little leah,

ever since i was a little girl, i have loved reading. i'm pretty sure my eyes are as bad as they are because i spent countless nights reading for hours after my bedtime. i would read for hours until my mom would sometimes tell me to turn the lights out. even then, i would sometimes read under my covers. i still love to read. there are always multiple books on my nightstand begging for my time and attention.

you used to love to read as well. actually, you still love to read, you just can't do it by yourself anymore. i have to admit this is one of the hardest things for me to deal with about rett syndrome! you used to spend hours every day flipping through the pages of your favorite books. some days you were fast and careless - and many books lost their lives in your hands. other days you were so meticulous. you knew to turn the book the right side up and you flipped each page one by one, making sure with steady fingers that you hadn't doubled up and turned two on accident. i used to always find you sitting in a massive pile of all of your books. every morning, you'd tear them off the shelves, settle into position and read, read, read.

you let us read to you for hours too. you used to finish phrases from your favorite books like where the wild things are {"and it was still...HOT!" or "and Max said...NO!"} and sneetches {they'd hike right on past them without even...TALKING!"}. and by finish, i mean shout.

sometimes it makes me so sad that you can't just go into your room, grab your favorite book off the shelf and get lost in it. you can't even tell me you want to go read. i usually have to offer it as an option and then give you choices between certain books.

oh, little leah, how i wish those hands would just let you read. rub the pages of the books between your chubby little fingers. point to the moon or the dog or the ball on the page. one day, little leah. one day, you'll read without assistance again. and when that day comes, i promise not to tell you to turn the lights out. or, if i do, just make sure you keep a flashlight in your nightstand drawer. it might come in handy.

i'll eat you up i love you so, little leah.
love,
mommy