an old letter

dear little leah, 

as i was cleaning out before we moved, i stumbled upon a piece of scrap paper i used to scribble some thoughts last summer. and, as i still have some of these thoughts every day {multiple times every day}, it was still applicable and i should record it here. the note is unfinished, but i still like the message. 

{summer 2010}

dear little leah, 

today while you were at school, i went to the park. a first for me without you in tow. i was watching two of your sweet friends while their mom volunteered at their big sister's school. i was fascinated at the way these two girls {ages 2 and 4} were able to move and control their bodies. 

twisting, bending, hanging, swinging, climbing, building, sliding, flinging. 

i had a glimpse of understanding as to why most moms have to take their kids to the park at least once a day.

the imagination and creative play ran rampant. the tricks and twirls were endless. if the girls wanted to climb, they climbed. if they wanted to swing, they swung. if they wanted to build, pretend or slide, they did so. 

they didn't need any help from me. their bodies just worked. and it made me oh so sad for you leah. 

i'm sorry if i make you climb when you want to swing or slide when you want to build. it's up to me. and i'm...

that's all. i know. totally unfinished. but i didn't want to continue the letter as i don't know what i would have said then. i know what i would say now, though. i'd say that i'm not you. i don't know your silly thoughts or your silent dreams. i don't know what you truly enjoy or what you utterly despise. you're a really good sport and you just kind of go with the flow. for the most part, you seem so comfortable in your own skin and i'm really really grateful for that. but i still long for you to be able to do whatever it is you want to do. to say whatever it is you want to say. to be whoever it is you want to be. i'll keep working on it miss leah. i'll keep working.

i love you. to the moon and back. 

love, 

mommy