"i love you" this much!

dear little leah, 

we made it to new hampshire! that was a long week and you, my friend, were ridiculously good. no four year old should behave as well as you behaved when stuck in a car for 53+ hours in one week, and yet you did. amazing. 

before i give a real update on your life the past two weeks, i wanted to jot down something you did yesterday that basically melted my heart. you see, when you stopped speaking, i got sad. really sad. and one of the reasons i got so sad is because, although you had had lots and lots of words that i knew i'd never hear again, there was one thing you hadn't yet learned how to say. so even if i wanted to go back and watch a video or replay this phrase in my mind, i couldn't. that phrase, little leah, was "i love you."

i had lots of people tell me that you loved  me. and deep down i knew you did. but i just wanted to hear it from YOU. i wanted to hear that darling little voice echoing from that squishable face those three coveted words. 

we've been working pretty hard on your eye gaze and you're getting better and better each day. but yesterday, you nearly outdid yourself. we were relaxing on the stairs and i turned to you and said, "leah, do you know how much i love you? i love you sooooooooooooooo much. probably this much {as i reached my arms out as far as they could go.} i love you to the tippies of my fingers. even more. i love you more than this much!"

and then, i asked you, "leah, do you love me just a tiny bit? maybe this much {as i pinched my forefinger and thumb as close together as they could possibly go without touching}?"

as i did, you turned your face away from me. zero eye contact, sir. 

and then i asked, "oh, well, then do you love me thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much {as i stretched your arms out as far as they could go}?"

and at that moment, you whipped your head around and looked me square in the eye. i saw the twinkle and i heard the giggle. and you stared and you stared and you stared. 

so i asked again, "so leah, you just love me this much {thumb and finger pinch}?"

you looked away.

"oh," i replied, "so you love me thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much {tippies of fingers stretched to the max}!?"

beautiful blue eyes staring straight into mine. 

oh leah, you have no idea. it was better than hearing the words. i heard them in your very own way. and i crumbled. i do love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much and more, sweet leah. that is for sure. 

love, 

mommy

p.s. thanks for showing daddy how much you loved him this morning too.