Friday, August 12, 2011

"i love you" this much!

dear little leah, 

we made it to new hampshire! that was a long week and you, my friend, were ridiculously good. no four year old should behave as well as you behaved when stuck in a car for 53+ hours in one week, and yet you did. amazing. 

before i give a real update on your life the past two weeks, i wanted to jot down something you did yesterday that basically melted my heart. you see, when you stopped speaking, i got sad. really sad. and one of the reasons i got so sad is because, although you had had lots and lots of words that i knew i'd never hear again, there was one thing you hadn't yet learned how to say. so even if i wanted to go back and watch a video or replay this phrase in my mind, i couldn't. that phrase, little leah, was "i love you."

i had lots of people tell me that you loved  me. and deep down i knew you did. but i just wanted to hear it from YOU. i wanted to hear that darling little voice echoing from that squishable face those three coveted words. 

we've been working pretty hard on your eye gaze and you're getting better and better each day. but yesterday, you nearly outdid yourself. we were relaxing on the stairs and i turned to you and said, "leah, do you know how much i love you? i love you sooooooooooooooo much. probably this much {as i reached my arms out as far as they could go.} i love you to the tippies of my fingers. even more. i love you more than this much!"

and then, i asked you, "leah, do you love me just a tiny bit? maybe this much {as i pinched my forefinger and thumb as close together as they could possibly go without touching}?"

as i did, you turned your face away from me. zero eye contact, sir. 

and then i asked, "oh, well, then do you love me thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much {as i stretched your arms out as far as they could go}?"

and at that moment, you whipped your head around and looked me square in the eye. i saw the twinkle and i heard the giggle. and you stared and you stared and you stared. 

so i asked again, "so leah, you just love me this much {thumb and finger pinch}?"

you looked away.

"oh," i replied, "so you love me thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much {tippies of fingers stretched to the max}!?"

beautiful blue eyes staring straight into mine. 

oh leah, you have no idea. it was better than hearing the words. i heard them in your very own way. and i crumbled. i do love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much and more, sweet leah. that is for sure. 


p.s. thanks for showing daddy how much you loved him this morning too.


  1. Leah, I am so glad that you made it so clear to your mom. Some days we moms get a little crazy and forget that, so make sure to keep reminding her. So happy that this is how you are starting things out in your new world. xx we miss you thhiiiiiisss much!!!!

  2. leah, i am a sobbing mess right now. It makes my heart sing that you are learning to communicate in your own special way and that your mom and dad are learning to understand your language. I don't have the range of motion to stretch my arms as much as I want, but I, too love you thiiiiiiiiis much.

  3. :) many more happy memories in nh!!

  4. oh, that melts my heart thiiiiiiiiiiiis much. what a beautiful story Maren! way to go Leah!!

  5. Leah, you have the best mommy imaginable. And you are so sweet. I can just see those clear blue eyes telling volumes!

  6. This made me cry. Thank you for sharing. I'm sure Leah is finally relieved to be able to tell you how much she loves you, too. I'll bet she's been waiting a long time to tell you that.

  7. ridiculously FANTASTIC!!!! im going to try that one, except im scared Ill get the opposite response!

  8. That was beautifully written. I love reading your stories Maren. Thanks for Sharing. You are a wonderful mommy.

  9. oh my gosh Maren, I've got to stop reading this blog! I can't even read through the tears in my eyes, not kidding. I loved this post, and she really does have the most amazing twinkling eyes.

  10. That made me cry. That is also the one phrase I want to hear and most likely won't ever but sometimes when she looks in my eyes, I can feel it. Those moments are very tender and soooo special.
    I am pretty sure we met you in Oakland at Katies clinic in 2010. I think at the walk-a-thon, my daughter is Brynn.
    I love both of your blogs.