life is fragile

dear little leah,

today i was reminded how fragile life really is.

today my friend's little boy went back to his Heavenly Father.

it was very sudden. he got sick and everything went quickly downhill after that. and it made me so sad. i cried a lot today for his mommy and daddy. he was so little - not even two years old yet. and he was their only child. i can't even imagine how lonely they are feeling tonight.

sometimes i feel like life isn't fair...but i feel like it should be. sometimes i feel like some people just get the short end of the stick no matter how obedient they are. today i felt like my friend definitely got the short end of the stick.

and then i had some different thoughts.

i thought how celestial her little boy must have been to have only needed to be on earth for such a short time. i thought how wonderful my friend is for being entrusted with this sweet, celestial spirit while he was here. i thought how lucky we are to know that this sweet, celestial spirit is now in the caring hands of his Heavenly Father and he will get to see his mommy and daddy again.

this isn't to say it makes the sadness and pain and hurt go away. they are still here. i know they will be here for a long time to come. but, i'm so grateful for sweet little spirits and sweet little angels that we are entrusted with - no matter how long that may be for.

i'm grateful that you're my little angel and that i get to be with you, struggles and all, for as long as Heavenly Father thinks is needful.

i thought about how, at one point a few months ago, i felt like death would have been easier for our little family than what we were going through. i'm ashamed to admit it, but those were my honest feelings. i couldn't bear the thought of you going through any more pain than you were going through and i couldn't imagine how daddy and i could hang onto our quickly unraveling rope any longer. now, even though we still struggle each day, i'm so glad Heavenly Father didn't answer that prayer. i'm so glad he gave us the strength we needed to get through the darkness and start to see the light.

i hope Heavenly Father will bless this little boy's mommy and daddy with the ability to see the light even though they are surely experiencing their darkest moments right now.

i hugged you a few extra times today.

i sure love you, little leah.

love, mommy