what christmas is all about...

dear little leah,

i had a breakdown.

on christmas morning.

i know, i'm unbelievable. you can say it. it's true. you'd think i would learn my lesson by now. i guess i have learned it. i just keep forgetting.

on christmas morning after you woke up (at 9am...thank you!), daddy went to turn on the christmas tree lights, power-up the squeeze box to play our christmas music and tune the tv to channel 36 so {in absence of our own fireplace} we could watch the yule log burn as we opened our presents. you walked out and weren't at all interested in any of your gifts. you weren't excited about ripping off the paper. you didn't squeal with joy at you new dolly and stroller. i'm quite sure you still don't even know you had a stocking full of treats.

it just wasn't the way i pictured it. it wasn't the way your third christmas was supposed to be. your third christmas was supposed to be all about learning to sing jingle bells, baking cookies for santa {and me being able to use santa as an excuse for your extra good behavior}. christmas was supposed to be all about opening up warm new jammies, watching a christmas movie together and then reading "the night before christmas" and the true christmas story.

your third christmas was chaos. it was a regular day. you did wear your new jammies, but you were only interested in eating breakfast, sleeping and watching backyardigans. no excitement. no wonder.

so i broke down. i cried. i laid on the living room floor and just lost it. i think your daddy thinks i'm crazy.

i think i'm crazy too. because after i broke down, i remembered. i remembered that lesson i've learned over and over throughout my life. i remembered christmas isn't about gifts wrapped underneath the tree. christmas isn't about baking cookies for santa or reading "the night before christmas." christmas isn't about using old saint nick to threaten you with good behavior.

christmas is about Christ. it's about being together as a family and enjoying one another. it's about remembering all the ways we have been blessed this year.

i'm happy to report that we did do this. we thoroughly enjoyed having daddy home from work. we've spent loads of time together. and i i'm pretty sure we've enjoyed one another.

and that makes me feel blessed.

isn't that what christmas is all about? :)

love,
mommy